The Book of Acts
Chapter 1
[1]
To preparest for the Holy Rites, thou shalt pulleth thine own wire.
[2]
Thou shalt have only thine own erections. Thou shalt not borrow
thy neighbor's erection unless the Holy Coupler has been blessed.
[3]
Thou shalt share thine couplings when thine neighbor asketh nicely.
[4]
Bringeth thine own throne and altar.
[5]
Thou shalt twiddleth thine own knobs, lest permission be given.
[6]
When thou encountereth the Holy Network, thou shalt announce
unto the multitudes gathered whether tis Reverend Barbi or Dead
Doctor Gene. Getteth thee upon the phone.
[7]
Readeth the Holy Passport faithfully, and render unto thine
memory its scriptures.
[8]
Whenever the Prophet Arnold is nigh, getteth thee to thine altar
to receive the Holy Vibrations.
Chapter 2
[1]
Thou shalt remove thine sustenance from the grill when it
throbbeth, lest thee drop thine bean or weiner upon the floor,
and soileth the Holy Sanctuary.
[2]
Thou shalt cutteth the cheese when thine sustenance buildeth up
thine wind.
Chapter 3
[1]
Whenever thou encounters a prophet that tells thee to repent
or burn, telleth the prophet to fucketh off.
[2]
If thou encounters a woman with a lot of children, telleth them,
yea verily, that thou hast not the key to their lodging.
[3]
If thine chair explodeth, getteth back upon thy feet, and check
for splinters, for tis a sign from the one true God. Praise Glenn!
[4]
If a great bird disturbeth thine contemplations in the crapper,
fear not, for it is a load of prophets from St. Trenton.
[5]
When Monique the Mail Woman appeareth, thou shalt honor and
abideth by her, for she may bringeth the Holy Instruments of
Verification.