The Book of Hans
Thou shalt offer up logs to no other Gawd than Der Hans. If thou post logs unto other scribes, thou shat be banished unto the Flevo tribe in the Nether Lands. If thou post the word of Hans unto other scribes, thou shalt be visited in the night by a large burley man, who willst flayleth upon your countenance with a whip antenna.
If thou speakest nasty about Der Hans, the tribe of Pyong shall descend upon your house and yang all over thine equipment, and thy key shalt be silent for a firkin.
Taketh not the name of Der Hans in vain, lest the People of Betar come into your house and bang your Desh.
When Der Hans speaketh, payeth attention for they are words inspired by Divine, the Portly One.
Speaketh not what thou hast heard from Der Hans unless Der Hans granteth the Sacred Permission, lest a host of Burkinas descend upon you and Faso all over thine countenance. If the Sacred Permission be granted by the Central People's B.S., sing praises unto the Valkos, and sacrifice a weasel in the name of Der Hans.
Sweat not the petty things, but whenever thine has a chance, pet the sweaty things. Yea verily!
Know ye the signs of the coming of the Anti-Hans. The DX Elite shall lie with the List Logger; the Barbi shall preach unto the masses; the stations of Tennessee shall air the olden tunes of rama-lama-ding-dong-shoo-bop-de-bop; and Pakistan shall QSL.