The Gospel According to
Jeff of the White Castles
And it came to pass in the time of Passport Magne-Anomous that a
decree went out from Ian that all DXers should tune in. And each went
to his listening post.
In this time in the Land of the Tomato, there dwelled a simple
vendor of DX supplies named Fred, and his humble wife, Barb. And it
came to pass that a Chinese man from Eton came unto them and said,
Lo! Thou shalt receive at thy humble shop a truck, and it shall
bring forth a large quantity of new receivers, and you shall call it
the Eton E1. And it shall be called great and be proclaimed the King
of Portable Receivers and you shall give unto it a place in thine
catalog in the spot of its father, the Sony ICF-2010. And it shall
reign forever and ever...excuse me, wrong script...it shall reign for
at least one entire cycle of the Sacred Sun Spots.
And Barb spoketh,
But how shall this be? I know not this new receiver.
And the Chinese man answered,
Thou art highly favored among DXers.
Remember the ICF-2010. By all accounts a receiver should be barren and
forgotten after five years, ten at the outside. But the 2010 was fruitful in thy catalog for two decades.
And Fred said unto the Chinese man,
Is this the receiver of which
the great prophets spoke?
The Chinese man answered
No. This is the one that will cause you to
speak of great profits, and Fred's heart was filled with joy.
And before departing, the Chinese man proclaimed,
Blessed art thou
amoung DXers. And blessed is the fruit of thy catalog!
But, when the receivers arrived, the manager of the warehouse
announced that there was no room in the warehouse. And Fred and Barb
were troubled. But then the manager of the warehouse, being a good
man at heart, remarked,
Hark and Lo! There is the large closet where
the cats sleep. Perhaps these new receivers may be housed there. The
cats will not likely mind. They've been much gentler since being
declawed and neutered.
And so it came to be that the receivers were placed in the cat closet.
And, from among them, Barb chose one to be a display model. For it,
she prepared a bed of a plastic stand and placed it in showcase.
And in the north country, in the forests of the Lower Peninsula,
there were the DXers of the Equine League abiding in the Holy Apostolic
DX Cabin, keeping ears tuned to their receivers by lantern glow. And
then, lo! The winged spirit of Arthur Cushen appeared in the rafters.
And the DXers of the Equine League were sore afraid that they nearly
soiled their knickers. And Arthur said,
Lu!...I mean, Lo! Fear not!
And soil not your knickers! I bring to you tiddings of great joy which
shall be to all DXers! For unto you has been created in the Land of
the Tomato, a new receiver, which is the Eton E1. And this shall be a
sign to you; Ye shall find the display model on a plastic stand setting in a showcase. Glory to Glenn in Enid! And good skip for all
And it came to pass that the Spirt of Arthur Cushen had gone out
from the Apostolic DX Cabin, but not very far. Being a blind spirit,
he did not know of the multitude of wires surrounding the cabin and
his wings became hopelessly entangled in two antennas. He was presently hanging from a short tree, but the DXers of the Equine League
knew naught of the spirit's plight.
And the DXers of the Equine League said to one another, let us
now go unto the Land of the Tomato and see this new receiver that has
been created and that Arthur has made known to us. We have nothing
better to do and conditions are lousy. And they journeyed south into
the Kingdom of the Buckeye, passed by the Domain of the Mudhen and on
to the vast Metropolis of the Columbii, home of the great Horseshoe
Temple of the Buckeyes, where the Buckeye faithful like nothing more
than to sacrifice residents of the Lower Peninsula to their their
heathen god Woody. Once again, the DXers of the Equine League nearly soiled
their knickers, but being stout souls they continued their journey to
the far side of the metropolis and into the Land of the Tomato.
And thus they came to the House of Fred and found Fred and Barb and
the display model setting in a showcase. (Fred and Barb were not in the showcase. Only the display model was.) And when they had seen the new
receiver, the DXers rejoiced, slapped Fred on the back, exchanged high-fives with one another and wandered around exclaiming
to whomsoever would listen. And Barb, watching this take place, pondered
in her heart that DXers are truly weird.
And then the DXers of the Equine League returned home to the
Land of the Lower Peninsula, glorifying and praising all that they
had seen. And two months later they returned to the Holy Apostolic DX
Cabin and found the Spirit of Arthur Cushen still entangled in antenna
wires. Being kind souls, they released him and offered him beanie-weenies, which he politely declined.
Now when the Eton E1 was first placed in the House of Fred, there
were many DXers scattered throughout the lands. Behold, there came
these DXers from all parts to the Land of the Tomato. Saying,
it, this Eton E1, King of the Portable Receivers? For we have heard of
this in the Holy Internet and we are come to purchase it.
From the east came the Scribe of Past Ages, the Recorder of the
Creek, and The Scholar of Slimy Sea Creatures. From the North came
the Merchant of the Maple Leaf and his chauffeur. From the west came
the Ancient Sage of the Lake. And from the northern fringes of the
Kingdom of the Buckeye, came the Friend of Dennis.
And they and their companions brought with them gifts of cash,
credit cards, and money orders. And Fred joyfully accepted all these
gifts, even the funny colored ones carried by the Merchant of the
Maple Leaf. And the DXers carried away a great many E1 receivers, and
Fred and Barb rejoiced as they made a large deposit at their friendly
And that night the DXers gathered under a tree and they too
rejoiced as they imbibed in large quantities of fermented beverages of
grain and fruit and consumed tiny orange-colored aquatic creatures.
And many times spoke the Ancient Sage of the Lake, but the others paid
him no heed, for it was not their custom to heed him.
Thus sayeth the word of Glenn.