The Book of Commandments
of Latter Day DXers
The Testimony of Eight Witnesses
Be it know unto all nations, kindreds, tongues, and people, unto whom this work shall come: That Joseph Hauser Smith, the translator of this work, has shown unto us the plates of which hath been spoken, which have the appearance of gold; and as many of the leaves Hauser has translated, did we see and hefted. And we lie not, Goddess bearing witness of it.
|Linda Ronstadt||Ted Kennedy|
|Hans Brinker||George Bush|
|S.C. Johnson Wax||Uncle Fidel|
|Bill O' Rights||He Man|
Wherefore, no man can behold all my works, except he behold all my glory; and no man can behold all my glory, and afterwards remain in the flesh on the earth.
And frequencies without number have I created; and I also created them for mine own purpose.
For my own purpose I created these things. Here is wisdom and it remaineth in me.
The following may be only conducted in DX temples.
By the authority of the Holy DX Priesthood, I seal upon you your
[name your radio] for time and for all eternity, in the name of the
Father, the Mother, and the Holy Hauser.
By the authority of the Holy DX Priesthood, I seal upon you,
acting as proxy, your [name your deceased radios] for time and for
all eternity, in the name of the Father, the Mother, and the Holy
Hey, while you're there, tune to 15476 and see if Antarctica is
A Famous Sealing
And I, Moron, hereby give my name unto my children, the Moroni, and I hereby seal it unto them for time and all eternity, in the name of the Father, the Mother, and the Holy Hauser.
(Unfortunately this came true.)