The First Book of Huxter Transcriptions
The First Book of Huxter Transcriptions was transcribed by ye faithful servant on 31 January 2015. These be the Holy Words of the Reverend Elisha Strong of the Southside Gospel Pavillion and Laundromat as broadcast on the Clean Up For Jesus program on WWCR.
This week we be continuing with the story of Adam.
Now Adam be hand-crafted by GOD so he be a fine piece of work. His vision and hearing be perfect. He have legs that could outrun a cheetah. And no man since have man-parts that worked like Adam have man-parts. That Eve be one happy lady, if you know what I mean. But I be getting ahead of myself. We be still in the Garden of Eden with just Adam and the animals.
Adam didn't have much to do. And an idle mind be the devil's playground.
So GOD look down at the Garden of Eden and see Adam with his perfect set of man-parts. And GOD see the animals. And GOD be not pleased at what else he see. (But GOD get a chuckle when Adam try to get friendly with the porcupine.)
And GOD exclaim "JESUS CHRIST! I flippin' forgot to make a bitch for that dude!"
(Jesus Christ be still a few thousand years off but GOD, being GOD, already know all about him.)
Next morning Adam be underneath a guava tree chatting up an anteater. His chest be kinda tender for some reason and he see some interesting possibilities with the anteater that wouldn't put a strain on it.
Suddenly Adam look up and see this lovely vision. She be naked as a jaybird ... she look a lot like my colleague Reverend Barbie in her early days. Thoughts of that lady be sure to put stains on your sheets.
Adam also be naked as a jaybird. So they be very happy.
A few days later Eve go down by the stream and see this big tree full of apples. And next to it be this skinny little tree with one papaya on it. And not one of dem little things dey sell in the supermarket here. It be a big tropical papaya, like a watermelon.
Eve go to get an apple but there be a snake there.
The snake say to her "Why you want apple? That papaya be big. It fill you up, like Adam."
That papaya be so big Eve could hardly carry it. But she take it back and give to Adam. (My Latino friends tell me this not be the first time Eve give papaya to Adam. )
But GOD he be saving this papaya for a party with the archangels. He get real mad.
"I tell you not eat my fruit. Now you cover yourselves with fig leaves."
Adam say, "Fig leaves? No way. Eve gonna put on black lace lingerie and fishnet stockings. And me? I wear leather."
And dis be why I wear leather and dem ladies in the choir wear black lace lingerie and fishnet stockings. Praise the Lord!