Uncle Harold's Guide
to DXPedition Etiquette
Many of you have heard of a DXpedition but may not have had the pleasure of the experience. In short, a DXpedition is an event where you conduct your weird hobby at a location remote from civilization with a lot of other weird people doing the same thing.
Here are a few hints for DXpedition etiquette:
- Since there will be several of you present trying to listen to elusive radio stations, ear phones are a must. Do not assume that anyone else has the slightest interest in listening to the long-wave beacon you are trying to log.
- Earphones are most effective when trying to ignore the person, usually present at all DXpeditions, who knows everything there is to know about your radio and insists on conducting a seminar about it on the spot. If the individual is insistent, at an appropriate point, just say that to cure the problem he is harping on, that you had to install a new Farnsworth inductive counterpoise modulation filter. 9 times out of 10, he will nod affirmatively and shut up because he doesn't want to appear short of knowledge about the Fransworth inductive counterpoise modulation filter. If he's one of those slippery types and calls you on it, just say that you read about it in Finkbeiner's book.
- Ultimately, you can just wave your hand and say that it's time for Tristan da Cunha to sign-on, don the earphones and hold your hand over the phones.
- You've probably already learned this at home but when wearing earphones, leaning closer to your radio helps bring weaker signals in better.
- A lot of farting and belching is expected so come prepared to hold your own. Bring dishes to cook such as Deli 3-bean salad, Beanie Weenies and Spam. Vegetables such a cauliflower and cabbage have been known to enhance emissions. For a good belching session, nothing beats a big slug of hot Pepsi.
- If you are not able to compete in this aspect of the DXpedition experience, it is acceptable, even encouraged, to complain or draw attention to it when a big green one wafts your way but be prepared to receive no sympathy whatsoever. It is considered proper to draw attention to a good one as a token of recognition to the originator. Also, feel free to offer an assessment as to the wetness of the offering. This will help the flatulator determine if further action is required.
- It is not considered good taste to flatulate in the food preparation area. It is acceptable to draw attention to your imminent emission by holding your arm high, assuming an appropriate facial grimace or squatting. This will give those present an opportunity to brace for the oncoming wave or vacate the area.
- Open flames such as candles have little effect on a good flatulatory cloud and may actually help distribute the aromatic fog. In extreme cases, a candle may actually lead to the phenomena known as a Blue Angel. Bring a change of pants if this is of any concern to you.
I hope that these helpful hints will help increase your listening pleasure at your next DXpedition.