Reuters - A study released yesterday by the Institute of Petroleum Corporation Funded Scientists suprisingly admits that global warming is a reality, but refutes claims that the core cause is hydrocarbon emissions. According to their data, the real cause of global warming is the tens of thousands of tube radio receivers being used by so-called DXers and their fellow-travelers. According to Dr. Marlin Jukes, a single tube can produce enough heat to cause first degree burns on a careless finger and one hollow-state receiver might contain two dozen or more of these hazardous devices.

Dr. Jukes goes on to point out that the good news is that we've had the technology available to replace these outmoded devices for several decades - the simple transistor radios that those of us who love our planet already use. However, there is a sub-culture of Hollow-State DXers who specialize in using this type of radio equipment. Commentator Anne Coulter notes that Some of these evil demented environmental terrorists actually brag about their boat anchors, without regard to the gentle woodland creatures passing out from heat stress in their soft fur coats.

In a recent speech about the dangers of climate change, Vice President Dick Cheney remarked, It's clear that the real enemy of our global environment are people who insist on using these oversized tube receivers even though the technology exists to produce much smaller cooler radio receivers. Vice-President Cheney will be spear-heading an effort by the Bush administration to ban these oversized heat-producing monstrosities. They intend to designate anyone who owns or operates such a device as a Global Warming Combatant. As the president himself recently stated, We've got to stop these evil people from over-heating.